O SUFOCO

i constantly feel this pressure and hunger to create that is being fed by my fears. fear of failure, of not being necessary. me, my work. it suffocates me. 

 

for me it is what you can say without saying much that fascinates me. i love living in the in-between. it is not fine art. it is not documentary. what is it? do i have to know what it is to be doing it? i love creating but are my creations ignorant? they surely do have room to grow: to be informed and mutated. i love information and being educated. i love knowing. but i don’t love knowing that what i do is not good. it is an ego thing. it is a necessary truth though. and i try to be as honest to myself as possible. 

 

work harder, try harder, read, get inspired or give it time. time helps a lot. it is one of the best natural medicines that i have ever encountered in life. but what if i get stuck in this moment of uncertainty forever? i got scared.

i’ve been told before that this happens.  

 

there is so much pain in not being creative with the urgent need to create. 

this hunger is not love, it is desperation... it is not necessary. maybe i just need to create nothing. 

even the nothing is necessary sometimes. the nothing is a part of the creative process that should also be respected. let me celebrate my 

nothing of creations for a moment 

 

(now). 

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